Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
