Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
