Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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