let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
