Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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