I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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