I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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