i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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