You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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