YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
