I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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