If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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