YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
