I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
