i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
