eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
