u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
