oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
