just tell him i said nine months
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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