i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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