she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
