NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
