You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
