Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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