people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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