How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
