I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
