this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
