i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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