shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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