It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
