I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
