I think my vagina is haunted
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
