i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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