I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
