There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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