So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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