a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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