So drunk its hurt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
