I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
