I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
