You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
