Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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