I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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