He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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