I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
