dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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