you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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