I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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