pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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