Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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