if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
