I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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