Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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