Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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