i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
