She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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