Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
