I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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