The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
