You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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