i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize